Poetry Thursday 70 - Monkey Hangers

 It is quite surprising that biological entities with opposing thumbs and the ability for abstract thought can end up believing the most incredible rubbish. I'll leave you to make up your own list but my list is from the northeast and is just as barmy as lists from all over the country. 

Andy Capp (Hartlepool) 

The Monkey Hangers

 

In a little known coastal town of Durham, 

where folk divint gerout much not even at neet,

they were freetend  auld Boney would invade em,

and send his navy for the feet.

 

Town elders met ower a pint to discuss a defensive plan,

and taaks were gannin well till little Bobby asked a question,

has any o yous seen a French man,

a lively discussion ensued accruing many a suggestion.

 

After much speculation ‘Bob the answers naa man,’ 

but ivry body naas all of us,

so any stranger plodgin threw the surf and up the sand,

must be someone we canna truss.

 

The nightly watch was set,

and for a while aal wes quiet,

not a single Frenchman wes met,

nee galleons and only the odd Friday riot.

 

Until late one parky Tuesday neet,

sail wes spotted in the distance,

Headland cannon wes loaded ready for the feet,

the town mounted a plucky resistance.

 

The lads wer on target and sank a ship,

the remains o’ the armada both turned and fled,

Tommy commented ‘that was a short-lived trip,’

Aye - better mek shuwer the sailors are dead.

 

A creature in French uniform crawled from the wave,

it was captured and thrown into jail,

locals thought its antics wer the way French behave,

they celebrated with lots of ale.

 

The following dawn was set for the execution,

the Frenchie to be hung without fail,

a trial run with defence and prosecution,

but nee one asked why the perp had a tail.

© David L Atkinson December 2024 

God Bless 

Writing - When?

 When is it ok to use repetition? When you want to grab the readers' attention? When trying to convey urgency. When it is intensity you are aiming for? When wishing to guarantee the attention of the reader. When adjusting the pace of your work. When standard style is insufficient to deliver the required outcomes. When wanting to change direction. When a picture paints a thousand words. 

Dickens 

When generating emotion is the aim. When Dickens decided to enhance the description in his short story 'The Haunted Man'. 

In fact, the above is a paltry effort in comparison. Dickens must have written 500 - 1000 words in this style, which raised the issue of being tedious. On the other hand, it is okay to experiment, as the work is the property of the writer. 

Another issue this example raises is that of writers reading the works of others. Not only are ideas surrounding content discernible but also writing styles. Obviously, reading material written 200 years ago, will also introduce issues of the grammatical style of different eras. As well as the use of vocabulary which is subject to dynamic development through the ages. 

In short, the world of writing can feed the future of the art if the up-and-coming writers delve into the treasure chest of the writing past. 

God Bless 

Writing - Phrases and Sayings

 I suppose a writer's age and history can be a bit of a stumbling block. Idioms and proverbs are dynamic and can alter with time and usage. Thinking about it so does geography even within the same country. Such phrases can add local colour and historical relevance to what you're writing.

The following passage illustrates some phrases and sayings that were in common usage a generation or so ago.

The other day a not so elderly (I say 75) lady said something to her son about driving a Jalopy; and he looked at her quizzically and said, "What the heck is a Jalopy?" He had never heard of the word jalopy! She knew she was old ...But not that old.

Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory when you read this and chuckle.

About a month ago, I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology.

These phrases included: Don't touch that dial; Carbon copy; You sound like a broken record; and Hung out to dry.

Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie . We'd put on our best bib and tucker, to straighten up and fly right.

Heavens to Betsy!

Gee whillikers!

Jumping Jehoshaphat!

Holy Moley!

We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley ; and even a regular guy couldn't accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China!

Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when's the last time anything was swell? Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes, and pedal pushers.

Oh, my aching back! Kilroy was here, but he isn't anymore.

We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say, "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!" Or, "This is a fine kettle of fish!" We discover that the words we grew up with, the words that seemed omnipresent, as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards.

Poof, go the words of our youth, the words we've left behind. We blink, and they're gone. Where have all those great phrases gone?

Long gone: Pshaw, The milkman did it. Hey! It's your nickel. Don't forget to pull the chain. Knee high to a grasshopper.

Well, Fiddlesticks! Going like sixty. I'll see you in the funny papers. Don't take any wooden nickels. Wake up and smell the roses.

Some phrases have crossed the Atlantic, and others failed to travel 100 miles down the M1. One currently employed by those trying to appear sophisticated use 'from the get go' instead of 'from the start' the employment of which leaves me incandescent.

One colloquial saying from my own home area landed me in trouble with a young lady in 1968 in Bradford, Yorkshire. I said that 'she had a face like a hen's backside on a windy day' - meaning that she looked a little ruffled (upset). She seemed even more so after my comment!

God Bless